


fall outside of myself

by ketabat



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, Protective Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Trauma, steve talks billy listens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 01:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20399530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ketabat/pseuds/ketabat
Summary: The Mindflayer’s gone, has been for a little over two months, but while its technically no longer there, pieces of it still plague their lives, linger in the flickering of the lights and the heat of summer. In the dead blue of Billy’s irises.or, steve visits billy every day to talk.





	fall outside of myself

The clock strikes 9. Steve climbs through Billy’s window at 9:01. Max’s told him their parents had reservations so they won’t be home for another two hours. She never gives info for free so in return, she used him as her personal chauffeur and had him drive her to El’s. He would’ve done it anyways.

He does this nearly every night. Billy doesn’t usually respond, just lays there motionlessly, staring at nothing. He’s vacant, a shell of the Mindflayer that once occupied his body.

“Hey” Steve says, as quietly as always. He sits down on the floor, resting his back against Billy’s bedside table.

Billy doesn’t answer. Never does.

He’s laying on his stomach, arm hanging off the bed, eyes open and unblinking. He has bruises. Steve knows that to Billy, a thousand of those are better than the big ugly scar on his chest. The scar that serves as a reminder of what he was, a host, a weakling, a killer. The Mindflayer’s gone, has been for a little over two months, but while its technically no longer there, pieces of it still plague their lives, linger in the flickering of the lights and the heat of summer. In the dead blue of Billy’s irises. “Um, so, today was boring,” Steve starts. He waves a hand while he talks, wishes the conversation wasn’t as one-sided as it is and wishes Billy would at least show some sign he’s listening. “I got up at like, eleven am, was _super_ late for work. Robin covered for me though,” he pauses, lips parted around the rest of the sentence before his eyes move to rest on Billy. He smiles a little. “You’d like Robin” he says, “and- well.. I think she’d like you, too.”

Billy blinks, unresponsive.

“Even before what you did for El” Steve elucidates. “She’s cool- she’s a pretty cool chick.”

He stops talking. Sits up and looks down at his lap as he starts playing with a stray strand on his jeans. “I know it’s been hard, with the trauma and the nightmares and stuff-” he glances at Billy to check for any change in expression. “Max tells me you’ve been having nightmares.”

Another blink is all he gets in return.

“And that uh- that your dad’s beatings are getting worse” he rasps. He knows Billy wishes El hadn’t told them. Because Billy prided himself on being an invincible asshole.

But that was the old Billy. This one is just.. a matrix. The Mindflayer had wormed its way in, synchronously parasitised him and sucked the life right out of him.

“So if you- if you need to get away, you could always come to my place” Steve says. “I have a big house. My parents are never home.”

Billy’s eyes flicker to him momentarily. So brief Steve doubts it happened. _Parents._

“Y’know, I can barely remember what my mom looks like” Steve chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “She’s been gone for.. _months._ I miss her. The house gets really lonely when she isn’t around.”

Billy’s eyes fall shut. He looks… soft. Vulnerable. Fucking beautiful.

“I sometimes wonder if she even thinks of me,” Steve halts, presses his lips together to compose himself. “Y’know, the little things. What I ate today, if I got a pet because the loneliness back at home is kinda eatin’ me alive, or how cool my friends are” he’s singing the choices, lips puckered and gaze skyward. “She’d like you, y’know.”

He doesn’t know if Billy’s sleeping or just listening with his eyes closed. He doesn’t know if Billy’s _there._ If he’s listening at all. Maybe the Mindflayer deadened his senses.

“Nah, scratch that, she’d _love_ you” Steve laughs softly. “She’d fucking love you and make you batches of cookies and shit.”

By now, Steve should be used to not getting a response.

“My dad wouldn’t though. I doubt he even loves _me_,” Steve swallows. “I got this toy once. Star Wars or some shit. Think it was Han Solo. But I remember my dad walking in on me playing with it and he just- took it and threw it out the window and told me to _grow up,_” he grimaces, shakes his head lightly with a breathless laugh. “I was like, twelve, man.”

When he looks back at Billy, Billy’s eyes are on him.

“My dad and yours would get along just fine” Steve smiles. It’s bogus and bitter more than humorous. “Two peas in a fucking pod.”

Billy's eyelashes flutter. He looks tired, insomnia darkening the skin around his eyes, hair a fucking mess. His packet of cigarettes is layered with dust. The only sign he’s been moving is the change of his outfit and his shower-damp curls.

Steve lifts a hand with an iota of reluctance, lets it hover over Billy’s head before he gently brushes a stray curl away from his forehead. Billy’s eyes drift shut again, a sort of gentleness and _relief_ contouring his features. His lips part a little. A tear falls down the bridge of his nose.

Steve breaks. He whispers a quiet _hey, hey_ and frames Billy’s cheek with one hand. “You’re okay” he says on a breath. “Fuck, you’re _okay._”

Billy exhales. Heavy and like he’s been holding memory-soused air in his lungs for _so fucking long._

He clenches his eyes shut against the touch of Steve’s warm hand. _He’s okay._


End file.
